Can you write a three-word intro? Do three-word intros work?

Here is the three-word intro Sam Borden wrote for a golf story in The New York Times:

It was in.

To understand why it is a great intro, you will need to read a little bit more. But don't take my word for it. Instead let a master, the man I consider my journalism guru, Roy Peter Clark, guide you through the story's spectacular structure. Here is Clark's post: Want a lesson in focusing your writing? Read this hole-in-one lead.

PS: Marvel too at the nut graf in the original news report — again, just three words.

• Learn more about Roy Peter Clark: The power of writing. Commits students can also borrow from our library three wonderful books written by Clark: Help! for Writers, How to Write Short, and The Glamour of Grammar.
• On New Year's Eve, Roy Peter Clark retired from Poynter, a legendary journalism institute. His first piece since retirement was published six days later: 40 things I learned about the writing craft in 40 years. There are so many great points on the list, these three especially:

8. Tools not rules: We could think of writing as carpentry, learning how to use a set of tools. Rules were all about what is right and what is wrong. Tools are all about cause and effect, what we build for the audience.

9. Reports vs. stories: Reading scholar Louise Rosenblatt described a distinction I adapted to journalism: that reports were crafted to convey information — pointing you there. Stories were about vicarious experience, a form of transportation — putting you there. 

19. Emphatic word order: The journalist with news judgment decides what is most interesting or most important. That judgment can be conveyed in word order, placing the key words at the beginning or end. Not “The Queen is dead, my lord.” But “The Queen, my lord, is dead.”

“More than 300 women were shot, stabbed, strangled, beaten, bludgeoned, or burned to death over the past decade by men in South Carolina, dying at a rate of one every 12 days while the state does little to stem the carnage from domestic abuse.”

Journalism guru Roy Peter Clark considers that to be the best lead, or intro, from among this year's Pulitzer Prize winners. Here he explains why: "The winner for the best Pulitzer Prize lead is…"

In the same post you can also read Clark's analysis of the next best leads.

For copy editors and reporters everywhere, Clark is a godsend. Check this out, too:

• "Three Little Words": A multi-part true story that keeps you wanting to read on. This is what journalism is really about"

• "How journalism guru Roy Peter Clark helped to turn a classified ad into a heartwarming newspaper story"

• "If you had to think up a six-word motto for journalism, what would it be?"

AND WHILE ON THE SUBJECT of the Pulitzer Prize, you should read this:"‘Investigative reporting is obviously alive and well’ and other observations from first-time Pulitzer jurors".

What a great intro!

Only a journalist well-acquainted with the tools of her trade could have come up with this opening paragraph for a feature on rock 'n' roll's new rule book:

Roll over William Strunk, and tell E.B. White the news. The music business now has its own grammar guide that might have had the "Elements of Style" authors singing the blues.

Combine that intro with a headline to match and you have a winning combination. Who will not want to dive in?

Check out Hannah Karp's brilliant piece in the Wall Street Journal here: "Grammar Rocks: These New Punctuation Rules Are fo' Realz".

• Who are Strunk and White? Learn more about the style gurus here: "If you're serious about improving your writing skills...".

Get to the point!

OCCASIONAL RANT NO. 8:

Here is the intro to a Page 1 story in today's DNA:

In a chilling incident, a 19-year-old girl—who was allegedly in a relationship with an advocate—was allegedly raped and later set on fire by him, after he managed to lure her to his house promising to find accommodation for her in a hostel. 

Here is the headline for the same story:

19-year-old girl raped and set ablaze by advocate

Do readers need to be told that this is a "chilling incident"? Shouldn't a hard news intro get to the point right away? Why do many hard news stories in our newspapers begin with a prefatory comment or a subsidiary clause?

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  Ankita Bhattacherjee and 2 others like this.
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    Faye DSouza Let's not miss the ungracefully constructed sentence with so many unnecessary clauses. Why can't newspapers write short, clear, simple sentences?

    6 hours ago · Edited ·  · Catherine Dequadros + 1 other
  • 
    

    Ankana Sinha Allegedly, twice in one sentence? Why?

    6 hours ago · 
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    Ankita Bhattacherjee Sir, the sub needs to join COMMITS or at least attend your class. :)

    about an hour ago · 
  • 
    

    Faye DSouza Also from today's DNA
    
    "The fear of being targeted on communal lines in the wake of the recent Assam riots has led to an exodus of over 15,000 people from Assam working in Bangalore" (sic)

    43 minutes ago ·

Intros that address readers, intros that don't

Take a look at this intro in today's DNA. It's the lead story on Page 1 about India's first 3G spectrum auction:

Consumers across the country will be able to not just hear, but also see the person they are calling on the mobile phone by November this year, thanks to the successful wrap-up of India's first 3G spectrum auction. The availability of spectrum will enable mobile operators to provide new services like TV on mobile, games, and music, while also improving voice quality and reducing call drops.

This story was reported by Sreejiraj Eluvangal from New Delhi. Look how readers are drawn into the story with a description of the benefits that will accrue to them when 3G becomes a reality.

Here's the second para:

The government will collect Rs67,719 crore as its share of the booty from seven successful bidders, with Bharti Airtel and Vodafone Essar bagging the most lucrative circles. The two biggest cities in India, Delhi and Mumbai, will see 3G services being launched by Vodafone, Bharti, and Reliance Communications. According to operators, they are likely to start work on network planning and installation as soon as the provisional spectrum allocations are confirmed on payment of the requisite bid amounts.

The bid amount, the names of the auction winners, and some jargon in the form of "network planning and installation" and "provisional spectrum allocations" are not used in the intro because they can put off readers and prevent them from getting into the story quickly. The bid amount is also mentioned in the strapline, so, to avoid "stuttering", there is no repetition in the intro.

Now read the first few (messy) paras of the Times of India report by Shalini Singh:

After tremendous hype, hoopla, 34 days and 183 rounds of aggressive bidding by nine players, the 3G auctions drew to a close on Wednesday after raking in a whopping Rs 67,719 crore for the government.

The 3G bounty is almost double the original revenue estimates of Rs 30,000 crore by telecom minister A Raja and more recently, Rs 36,000 crore by finance minister Pranab Mukherjee.

Effectively, this translates to Rs 16,750.6 crore for a single pan-India slot of 3G spectrum. The government auctioned three pan-India 3G slots with additional spectrum in Punjab, West Bengal, Himachal Pradesh, Bihar and Jammu and Kashmir. BSNL & MTNL were already allocated 3G spectrum a year ago. They did not bid, but will now have to pay the 3G auction price for their spectrum holding.

Vodafone, Bharti and Reliance bagged the plum Delhi and Mumbai circles for a whopping Rs 3,316.9 crore and Rs 3,247.1 crore respectively.

Bharti, Reliance and Aircel won 13 circles each, Idea 11, and Vodafone and the Tatas 9 circles each. S Tel got three circles while Etisalat did not win a single one.

This story appears to be told from the government viewpoint — how it stands to gain from the 3G auction — and it's packed with numbers and details that are mind-boggling for the ordinary reader.

Which approach is better?

In my view, DNA's, by a long shot. DNA also provides a helpful sidebar that gives readers answers to the questions, What is 3G?, What's the right way?, and What will the cost be like?

When newspapers prefer advertisers over readers, it shows in the reporting too, doesn't it?

• Dipankar Paul (Class of 2009) comments: Absolutely!

• Arpan Bhattacharyya (Class of 2010) comments: I agree! One more point about the ToI intro:
  
  After tremendous hype, hoopla, 34 days and 183 rounds of aggressive bidding by nine players, the 3G auctions drew to a close on Wednesday after raking in a whopping Rs 67,719 crore for the government.
  
  If you read the paragraph, the writer has made a fundamental error (at least in my humble opinion), something that I am fanatical about when I write. I don't like the use of the word "after" twice in the same paragraph, in this case. It's like saying, "After I went to my uncle's house, I had a wonderful time after he made me a lovely lunch."